Mamarazzi: Search Results

Aug
13

An open letter to Lindsay Lohan

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Dear Lindsay:

We've just heard that a hair extension manufacturer is suing Paris Hilton for $35 million.

Why? Because Paris didn't fulfill her contractual obligations. She was supposed to 1) wear this manufacturer's extensions and 2) show up at a party promoting them. And she didn't.

Because SHE WAS IN JAIL.

Now, we're not lawyers, but we have a sneaking suspicion that no judge would even let this suit go to trial. Here was Paris, actually being a law-abiding citizen, paying her debt to society, and this silly hair extension party giving company thinks it can cash in on her PAIN and TORMENT. (And how long was she in jail, anyway--nine hours? Girl, that is a HAIKU compared to your sentence.)

So Lindsay, what with the jail time and now rehab--however abbreviated--you have the perfect excuse for not doing whatever you were supposed to do. Which, given your track record, should come in handy. No more "Your honor, I was in Africa working with orphans." You can come right out and say "Your honor, I was IN THE SLAMMER."

Our advice is this: don't waste it.

xxx,
Mamarazzi

p.s. And you might want to think about this: bitch got paid $3.5 million to promote those extensions. Not too shabby, right?

Photo courtesy of PeaceFMOnline.com

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Apr
16

Kate Hudson practices sleight of hair

Poppy Buxom

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People have been making snarky comments about Kate's son Ryder's long hair for a long time. Hell, we've been doing it ourselves.

Photo courtesy of People

So why'd she decide to have it cut short now?

Could it be ...

that she's trying to deflect attention from her boob job?

Photo courtesy of Us Magazine.

Tags:

boob job,

hairy problems

Jun
11

Who Says Prison Does No Good?

By
LemonySarah
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Legendary superstar record producer Phil Spector had incredibly good ideas. He not only invented the revolutionary "Wall of Sound", he produced such iconic albums as John Lennon's "Imagine" and The Beatles' "Let It Be".

But somewhere along the way, Phil developed a couple of bad habits: Pointing loaded guns at his friends and family, and wearing ridiculous wigs.

Behold but a few of his more memorable styles:

"The Zac Ephron" (Extra Blonde Edition)

"The Botticelli"

And everybody's favorite, the "I Stuck My Finger In The Electrical Socket and I Can't Get It Out".

Now Phil's going to prison for murder and it's certainly a good thing. First, the only guns he'll wave in people's faces will be the ones he carved out of soap.

Even better, he can't take a single wig: Seems wigs are forbidden because they can be used as currency. You can't make this stuff up.

Behold Phil au naturel:

Honestly Phil, take a little off the sides and back and you'll have your best look yet. We'll call it the "Let It Be". Or "Imagine (No Hair Products)".

Tags:

hairy problems,

Phil Spector

Feb
06

Who's the fairest of them all?

By
Poppy Buxom
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OK Magazine is reporting that Madonna is so worried that her 12-year-old daughter will surpass her in the looks department that she sabotaged Lourdes's appearance by not letting her clean up her eyebrows.

Which is just silly.

Because even out-of-control eyebrows can't keep Lourdes from being gorgeous.

And anyway, Madonna's very hairy herself. She ought to know that true beauty can't be suppressed. Not even if it's wearing a couple of Groucho Marx eyebrows.

And everyone knows that if she starts to age, all she has to do is take another nip of the blood of an innocent virgin--

--well, a younger woman, anyway.

But really, Madge. Don't you realize you're acting like the next Mrs. Ritchie? You know--a stepmother?

Don't you think that should wait until you've married A-Rod?

Tags:

eyebrows,

hairy problems,

Lourdes,

Madonna