Results tagged “Michael Jackson” from Mamarazzi

OK, maybe deciding to run a headline a la The Onion wasn't a great idea. But you can't really blame us. Honestly, we were struck speechless by Joe Jackson's latest interview.

Tabloid interviewee and abusive father of the year, Joe Jackson. Image courtesy of the Fark Knight.

Joe has been sponging off Katherine Jackson since Michael died. She has supposedly been paying him $30,000 a month.

We don't know what prompted his latest interview, but we're guessing Katherine told Joe that, like other child abusers of retirement age, he needed to file for Social Security.

Instead, he mouthed off to the tabloids, saying it's Katherine's fault that Michael died.

Katherine was weeping uncontrollably and highly upset. But I didn't give her a hug because I was MAD at her crying. I said, 'If you had listened to me Michael would be living now!' I kept thinking about the times I had stood in front of her saying something was wrong.I couldn't bottle up my feelings. Katherine didn't say a word - I had to get away from her. If she'd done what I asked, Michael would be here today. I am incensed with her. She could have made a difference.

Our reaction?

1. What a douchenozzle.

2. Michael was 50 years old when he died. Isn't there a statute of limitations on blaming moms? Please?

It's been a long time since we opened a Mad magazine. After all, we're not exactly their target demographic.

But when we heard that they picked the canonization of Michael Jackson as the Number 1 Stupid Thing of 2009, we had to take a peek. And this is what we saw.

So tell us. Funny? Or two very sequined thumbs down?

We really came down from our Halloween-candy-fueled high when we heard that Michael Jackson's father Joe is taking Michael's estate to court.

Think about it. This is It! tops the box office; the soundtrack breaks the Billboard 100, and Joe "Child Abuse" Jackson shows up with his hand out.

Seems that before Michael died, he had been giving his father a monthly allowance. But Michael died in June, and the allowance stopped. Michael left $26,000 a month to his mother and $60,000 a month to his children. But he didn't arrange for an allowance for his father. Joe Jackson's sole source of income is now his monthly Social Security check.

In court documents Jackson claimed monthly expenses of $1,200 for rent; $2,500 for eating out; $2,000 in airfare ... and Lord knows how much for sunglasses, cosmetic dentistry, and snappy little fedoras.

We're sorry to break it to you, Joe, but the gravy train has left.

Speaking of Gravy Train, maybe it's time you developed an appetite for dog food. Either that, or move back in with your wife.

Assuming she'll let you.

Just when we thought we couldn't stand to hear one. more. word. about Michael Jackson, Madonna gave her speech at the MTV video awards.

Courtesy of Dailymail.co.uk

She pointed out the things she and Michael had in common.

Courtesy of the Daily Express

She recalled her attempts to get to know him in 1991.

Courtesy of People.com

It was incredibly moving, and made us feel really bad about all the mean things we've said about Madonna over the years.

It also made us think of what we missed by Michael's untimely death. If he had lived, Madonna might have remembered he existed.

Hell, she would probably have tried to adopt him.

Proof that the news media is desperate: Two solid weeks after MJ's death and he still dominates the New York Times headlines. Oy.

Admit it. Would you rather read about the economy, worldwide civil unrest, our dying planet, or LOLcats, confused doggies or that tickle-lovin' slow loris?

We suspect the hard news media is not only giving us what we want, they're biding their time, hoping that Michael becomes zombiefied. You know, bringing the Thriller video to life. Err, death.

The MJ zombie dance begins at about the 3:35 mark. Full length MJ-as-Zombie Thriller video available here.

We interrupt this time of celebrity death, speculation about the celebrity death and who the biological parents of the dead celebrity's kids are and whether or not the dead celebrity's abusive, stage-parent parents should be raising the supposed offspring of that uber-talented and uber-messed up now-dead son, to bring you some happy, non-legal advisor celebrity parent news:

Spiderman Tobey Maguire and his wife Jennifer Meyer slipped under the celebrity birthing radar by adding a baby boy to their brood on May 8th.

However, it's been nearly TWO MONTHS and the new baby's name has not been announced. So let's take some of the heat off little Duvet/Coverlet/ Afghan and his older sibs and spend the day guessing what this new baby's name could be.
(Here's a helpful hint, the baby's big sister was officially dubbed "Ruby Sweetheart" by these same parents.)

There are a few unmistakeable signs of spring that reassure everyone that the long, cold winter is finally over:

-Flowers start to bloom

-Birds return

-Michael Jackson's kids switch from their surgical masks to Mardi Gras ones

Happy Spring, everyone!

Whether due to an urge to purge or just needing cash for more Jesus juice, Michael Jackson is paring down his possessions and selling them to the highest bidder.

As seasoned garage sale experts, Mamarazzi took a look at some of the offerings and has some advice for the former Thriller.

This is a definite keeper. It could serve either as the Naughty Chair when little Blanket needs some time to chill the hell out or could be the Chair of Honor that gets used by someone on their birthday or when something good happens, like the one day they don't get beat up on the playground for being named "Blanket".

Another keeper. Making new items out of old clothing is a HUGE thing in the crafting world, and while we've never seen anything made out of rhinestone socks before, we think they could be turned into adorable softie hedgehogs.

Yep, go ahead and get rid of this and save your children the future hassle of pulling it out of the attic and throwing it above the mantel when you pull in the driveway to visit them.

Ditto on this one. GAH.

Now this train teapot is pretty cute, especially if you have a Thomas fan in the family. You should sell it, but only to us and for $8.

Keep. This jacket will come in handy for an 80's theme party or if one of the kids joins the marching band.

This also needs to be put in the Keep pile as it's actually a money saver. Tell the kids if they lose a glove THIS will be the replacement. You'll be amazed at how well those kittens will keep track of their mittens!

All photos SplashNews Online

You name both your sons "Prince" and you're gonna get rid of this stuff?! Keep it and let them sell it at later date to pay for their counselling.