Results tagged “Madonna” from Mamarazzi

Betty White has a pinup calendar for 2011. We love it! We think Betty's awfully cute surrounded by baby oiled young men.

Now, some people will cry "Double standard! Why is it cute for an old woman to be sexy with younger guys but terribly wrong for an octogenarian man to mess around with the barely (pun!) legal?"

Fair question, awesome answer.

Picture this brief excerpt from Kendra Wilkinson's upcoming memoir book Sliding Into Home:

"One of the girls asked me if I wanted to go upstairs to Hef's room... One by one, each girl hopped on Hef and had sex with him... for about a minute."

Blerg! Purge this mental image from our brains!

See, here's the difference: We're pretty darn sure that Betty's only sharing her bed with her pets and possibly a hot water bottle or two.

In related news, Madonna's begun interviewing contenders for her 2030-2031 season boyfriend...

Is it just us, or is it getting harder to tell the difference between Madonna and ......everyone else?

*NSFW or Children*

Remember this look?

That's Lourdes in 2008. And here she is last month.

We apologize for not bringing these pictures to your attention before now. It took our corneas a few days to recover from the sight of Madonna's chipmunk cheeks.

Isn't she gorgeous? We're not even going to snark her 14-going-on-20 look, because some of us have teenage daughters of our own.

But don't think we've gone soft, because we've got a piece of advice for Lourdes: don't accept any shiny red apples from harmless old peddler women.

Yesterday, we had something to say about the way Christie Brinkley and her daughter Alexa Ray Joel appear to have taken part in some mother/daughter plastic surgery. We didn't really notice what Alexa Ray looked like before, so we're not going to criticize her nose job. But we thought Christie's cheeks looked strangely chipmunk-y.

And then today we noticed this photograph of Madonna. Apparently everyone who's anyone is doing this weird thing to their cheeks.

Photo courtesy of Dlisted

Are those Madonna's cheeks, or is she building a couple of additions on her face? We're thinking it's an addition--two entire new wings, one for her orphan collection and one for her boy toys.

And we think she should sue her contractor.

Can somebody explain this phenomenon? Is this cheek implants? Fat injections? Storing nuts for the winter?

Whatever. We never thought we'd say this, but Madonna's cheeks look like ass.

We just heard that Madonna is going to be designing producing putting her name on a line of junior clothing and accessories.

Now, some of us have teenage daughters with pretty definite ideas of what is and is not in style. (Like, say, velour tracksuits.) These teens will be glad to hear that Lourdes is going to help design the line.

Oh, and the line is going ibe called Material Girl. We don't know whether we think this is such a hot idea. On the one hand, "Material Girl" makes us think of rubber bracelets, leggings, and dark roots--all already available at stores near you.

On the other hand, it's better than "Sunset Boulevard" or "Death Becomes Her," or "I'm still young and hot, dammit!" all of which come to mind.

Rumor has it that former boy toy Jesus Luz gave Madge the kiss-off.

Rumor also has it that she has another romantic relationship in mind.

Allow us to introduce you to model/actor/younger man Jon Kortajarena. He's a tall, dark Spanish male model who's less than half her age. Basically, he could pass for Jesus Luz. At least, in a dim light:

Jon Kortajarena with an old bag

Shoeless Jon Kortajarena

We can almost hear Madge murmuring "Stubble, stubble / Toil and trouble"

What do you think? Yummy? Or is this a case of Coke/Pepsi, i.e., most people won't be able to tell Jon from Jesus?
--

She cooks!

She does dishes!

She needs a lip wax!

---
Dolce & Gabbana photos from Italian Vanity Fair courtesy of Just Jared; The Mystery of the Missing Lip Wax photo courtesy of D-Listed.

Just when we thought we couldn't stand to hear one. more. word. about Michael Jackson, Madonna gave her speech at the MTV video awards.

Courtesy of Dailymail.co.uk

She pointed out the things she and Michael had in common.

Courtesy of the Daily Express

She recalled her attempts to get to know him in 1991.

Courtesy of People.com

It was incredibly moving, and made us feel really bad about all the mean things we've said about Madonna over the years.

It also made us think of what we missed by Michael's untimely death. If he had lived, Madonna might have remembered he existed.

Hell, she would probably have tried to adopt him.

Madonna celebrated her 51st(ish) birthday by finally letting Jesus into her heart.

"He's the love of my life. He has been so strong around me. I can't thank him enough."

Happy Belated Birthday, Madge!
Enjoy this song that now makes us think of you.

We're starting a rumor that Madonna's made herself into an anatomy lesson (again) for a good cause: She's volunteering as a live model for anatomy classes! No need to dissect this cadaver, all her arm parts can be identified with the skin on!

Madonna, you also might consider heading over to the Psych department as a model for exercise related Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and anorexia.

anatomy chart credit: dailymail.co.uk

Oh-oh, looks like one of the other icons of the 80's is needing some attention, people.

We love Madge. Sure, she's a self-important, egotistical old blow-hard. But we're loyal. She was cranking out fun dance music when we were young and cute, so we have a soft spot for her.

But this cougar routine of hers is getting embarrassing.

It's not enough that Brazilian boy toy Jesus Luz (22) has moved in to her Upper West Side home and lives there with Madge (50), Lourdes (12) Rocco (8) and David (3). That's OK. After all, lots of families in that income bracket have an au pair.

But now Madonna and Jesus are going to have a not-actually-legally-binding Kabbalah "commitment ceremony." You know, because in hidebound, reactionary New York State, it's legal for a single, heterosexual woman to marry a single, heterosexual man.

But why get married? Been there/done that. Why not have somebody recite some not-legally-binding mystical mumbo-jumbo to make things look sort of semi-respectable, in case you want to adopt some more kids? And no need to worry about pre-nups or messy, expensive divorce proceedings.

So the question on everyone's mind is: will the not-really-a-bride wear white?

P.S. Great minds think alike: Lourdes calls Jesus "the babysitter." We expect great things from that one.

Meet Madonna's newest Boy Toy, 22 year old Jesus Luz.

Did you realize Madonna was in the pictures? It took Mamarazzi more than a few private moments glances to notice her...

We're feeling saved.

photos - W

OK Magazine is reporting that Madonna is so worried that her 12-year-old daughter will surpass her in the looks department that she sabotaged Lourdes's appearance by not letting her clean up her eyebrows.

Which is just silly.

Because even out-of-control eyebrows can't keep Lourdes from being gorgeous.

And anyway, Madonna's very hairy herself. She ought to know that true beauty can't be suppressed. Not even if it's wearing a couple of Groucho Marx eyebrows.

And everyone knows that if she starts to age, all she has to do is take another nip of the blood of an innocent virgin--

--well, a younger woman, anyway.

But really, Madge. Don't you realize you're acting like the next Mrs. Ritchie? You know--a stepmother?

Don't you think that should wait until you've married A-Rod?